one day @ a time...

hi guys.
i was now thinking if i should start the entry with "dear diary, " , but since I am pretty sure the only reason I am sticking to the blog is because of the exhibitionism/voyeurism factor, which makes it more exciting, I might as well address my readers (assuming, of course, that I have any!)
Anyway, well I have been off school since exam ended on Monday and for most of this week I have hung around the house and didn't do much. Remember I had made a whole list? Well most of that list is still unfulfilled lol. That's not good, but I would be lying if I said i really cared. For me the best thing to happen this week was the time i spent with Ree. I had so much fun and it was like old times. I felt so close to her again. I know that we aren't getting back together anytime soon and she knows it too, but still we get along sooo well. It is unbelieveable.
I also got my second Hep B vaccine. We couldnt find the immunization card and the lady in the health centre boof me up! lol but i get the vaccine and a new card so is all smooth.
The only thing I didn't get to do that I wanted to do was fix the Sunny, but I will eventually. I have to make an appointment by the mechanic. Oh, and I have to go for the eye test. Another appointment gig lol.
Results for the exam came out yesterday or thursday evening. I passed! but just barely. 55%
It isn't that good a score and of course I wish I had gotten higher, but like I said before on this blog, this block sucks so I am glad I passed. For a while yesterday and today I was feeling down, but I realised I couldnt change that and i need to face forward and plan for the future, so that is what I am doing. I have spotter in december and phase in may and i have to get ready for them. And if melville gives me a decent mark in pbl I might make something of this block yet. With a little luck I might hit 18 and that would be decent all things considered. I am pretty sure all of my friends scored higher than me in the exam, but it doesn't matter except for pride's sake. There scores don't affect my mark or my passing and that is all I want to do - PASS. 51% would mean a pass, and not having to repeat the block and therefore, that is all I want. I will keep studying of course. I am not aiming for 51%, but anything over that, i will consider icing on the cake. Look, I know it is very disconcerting to hear that from someone wanting to be a doctor, because doctors have to save lives etc. and for a long time it bothered me too but..i realised there must be a reason the pass mark is 50 rather than say 75, and so I will just try to remember that and do my best anyway. Have faith people, I am trying to lol. Lets all together hope that I turn out to be a good doctor. I was really worried about telling mom and dad about the mark, but they turned out to be really cool. They just said try not to fail and have to trail a block. Well Dad said that since last year, he was real cool. But, Mom wanted honours and distinctions which I not getting so I wanted to see if she woulda freak again but I guess she realise it not happening lol.
My friends are very ambitious. I have heard more than one say "I didn't do so hot in Resp. I will need to really top in the next block." and i wanted to say, "Do you realise that the blocks are separate and not affected by any other?", but they all know their own scenes best and I don't want to seem to be undercutting them. My aim when i entered med school was to remain cool and calm and unstressed, and day by day I try to maintain that aim.
As far as it goes with Ms. C. - I am going to let it play out one day at a time. i don't want to prematurely kill any possibilities with her, and anyway she says she likes being single for now and that is cool with me. I want to see how we mesh in the meanwhile. Ree says if i get the chance go for it or i will forever wonder what if? but if i get with her and we break up she will really never forgive me this time, assuming she has now, and that i am not so sure about. It's alot to think about and weigh up. God help me, I don't think it would work out and i know i shouldn't go into a relationship with doubts, but is just talking to her going to be enough for me? Ree has a point too and as me and C get more into it we might grow so much more together! It's very confusing, made more annoying by the fact i dont even know for sure she wants something with me so i could be worrying for nothing, and indeed wasting my time. She told me her wish-list in a boy and I don't add up to much on that list but she DID get with me already, and she isn't what i am looking for but still i can't get her out of my mind!!!
Okay, I need some time to breeze out, so I will see you guys again later.
Peace.